Monday, 14 April 2014

Things will be quiet here for a few days.

I want to give the internet for personal use a break up to easter, including blogging.

Friday, 11 April 2014

Wondering how much longer it will last?

The Macbook that is.

My normal mode is to use the laptop closed, plugging in an external monitor, keyboard & mouse. A couple of days ago when I first plugged in I had a blank screen, even though the built-in screen worked when the lid was opened. Closing the lid and a re-start seemed to fix things.

Today I had the monitor flicker several times, showing lines and corruption before it went and stayed dark. Now it could be a faulty monitor cable, possibly the mini-display port is failing - if it's anything like the USB ports then it's of poor quality and temperamental - and possibly it's the graphics chip again, like it was when I first bought the machine. I unplugged everything, then plugged it all back in, and it came back to life without further ado, but I have this nagging doubt now.

The question then becomes what to replace it with?

I've been researching for some time on what's available. Another Mac is the course of least resistance, maybe, but a Windows laptop would provide more power for the same money and get me out of the Apple world. It's a tougher choice than it was a couple of years back, but I have no Apple-specific software that cannot be replaced (breaths sigh of relief that I didn't buy that software from Macphun I saw at the photography show last month). I'm still using Office:Mac 2008 that I bought back in the beginning, and that definitely has compatibility issues with Mavericks, so I need a new office suite whatever. Lightroom would transfer over OK, ditto Perfect Effects, GIMP, Audacity, Skype & VLC. Fotor wouldn't run in Windows (plan to use it sometime to create collages/triptychs) but that's not really a big deal since I could do the same thing with more effort in GIMP.

Currently I'm quite tempted by a Dell from their outlet store for the sheer processing power and decent screen: full HD, 8Gb RAM and an i7 processor in a 14" lappy for about £700 when I looked a week or so back, but I'm not really in love with Dell's case & build quality. Apple's refurb store also sometimes has interesting options, but to make any useful savings I'd be looking at a 2YO design if I want any kind of upgradability, with a corresponding penalty in performance, or a more expensive, non-upgradable machine if I took a recent design (8Gb RAM, 240Gb SSD as minimum spec. but that's going to be really weak in 3-4 years time, just like 2Gb and a 160Gb HDD would be today).

Actually, just writing that makes me want to not go for a Mac. If I'd have been stuck with the original spec of this machine then it would have been gone >18 months ago, or I'd have continued to use it, increasingly frustrated and fed up with it. No means of upgrade may be good for Apple short term, but it would make Toni an angry user longer term, and much more vehemently anti-Apple than I am now (just mild dislike).

Now, what to do..... ?

I've also been really impressed with Windows 8.1 on the machine I upgraded for Chris a few weeks back. Admittedly it's running an SSHD hybrid drive, but performance is enormously faster than it was with XP, despite that older OS being relatively tiny and the hardware comparatively modern. And maybe that's the answer.

But change is never easy, even when it's good for you.

I just re-read about the Google Chromebook Pixel. Spec looked somewhat interesting (if you could run something useful on it - Chrome is NOT useful to me) and then saw the low spec & Macbook-level price. Uh-huh.

Monitor calibration and the dark arts.

Forgive my whimsy on this, but I do like a good (and sometimes bad) pun.

In the good/bad old days of film photography no-one ever worried about colour balance (except those unfortunate enough to have to use slide film) because everything was corrected automatically for you by the printer. Now no-one worries about it now because the cameras correct for you automatically too. Sort of.

But only sort of.

So if you're manipulating your images in a digital darkroom, rather than in a physical one, how do you know whether you've got things right? You might think you could just look at the image on screen, and when it looks right then it is right?

Uh huh.

There's a whole industry out there, trying to sell you tools of various kinds to calibrate monitors correctly (and yet more guys trying to sell you REALLY NICE photographic quality monitors for quite significant amounts of cash). I am aware that my 2 monitors are quite different: the older Samsung at home having much better resolution of bright tones and a nasty habit of darkening as you move your head around, while the Dell U2414M that I'm looking at is much more neutral.

It's a bit of a problem when it comes to showing other people your pictures. Everyone else's monitors are also a bit different unless calibrated, and that scene with all those exciting but subtle colours may just look dull to them. Alternatively your bright and exciting image may appear garish & crude on their screen. It gets even worse when you get stuff printed, because you want the the prints to look just like they did on screen, and of course they seldom do. And it also begs the question whether your printer (either at home or the shop you went to) is calibrated too.....

When I had those canvases printed a while back they came back *looking* pretty much like what I'd seen on screen, yet the images that I had printed in Bicester for the Somerton picture contest were a fair bit darker & warmer than even this (factory calibrated a couple of years ago) Dell. TBH I was not entirely happy, but also not sure who was at 'fault', if it could be described as a fault.

Chris wanted some small pics reprinting, so I requested a couple of 12X8 prints done from the same files that were used for the Somerton images, but from a different vendor. They came back earlier this week, and a quick comparison in daylight showed one to be virtually indistinguishable from the other, while another one was somewhat lighter and a little more yellow. The smaller prints we had re-done had been adjusted by me through lightroom and viewing on this Dell (I'd had to do resizing too, because they'd been cropped horribly by the software at the original printer) so it wasn't a really fair comparison, but they came back much more neutral and cleaner than the originals.

My conclusion is that one needs to know one's printer (and monitor!) and adjust accordingly. If I start doing professional work, as I hope to eventually, then I'll be investing in calibration tools and keeping a very close eye on printing.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

A little mr. grumpy today: dealing with minor loss.

So just before whizzing off to work this morning I went through and extracted the images from my home computer that I've worked on since Christmas: or would have done.

All my stuff from Lightroom/perfect effects is there still, and that's not a problem.

All my images that were processed in Photodirector have disappeared.

Welcome to the world of non-destructive changes.

One of the things I've had to learn about using professional photo-processing software is that it makes no actual changes to the original image data file. All the adjustments to each image are stored and remembered, so that when you come to view the image later, the software makes those changes to the way the data is displayed without actually altering the stored file. In order to save the modified image in a way that can be printed or uploaded to the internet it is necessary to create a new image with all those changes added to the original file.

Obvious and sensible, no? That way everything is reversible and the original picture is always available for reworking.

But what happens when your software forgets what changes were made? Even forgets which images were imported?

That's the exact situation I found this morning with Photodirector. There were no imported images, let alone any changes made to them. Hunting for the database file turned up a brand new one, as if I'd just installed the software fresh. All my edits and tweaks for about 100-150 images vanished.

I'm not tremendously upset because most of the images I'd developed there were later re-developed in Lightroom, but there were a few, particularly from the Old Brompton graveyard that I'd spent a lot of time & care on, and really don't want to have to attempt to re-do. It looks like IF I re-attempt them then I'll have to save finished images as soon as they are completed, since I can't trust it to remember what was done.

And then probably no more Photodirector for me.

Adobe Lightroom is a much better package for general image development, and when combined with Perfect Effects it's really quite a powerful combination for developing and shaping an image without making huge changes a la Photoshop. But there were some things that PD simply did better: the HDR tool was very powerful for controlling contrast and some of the other processing options gave a different way of seeing how changes might be made, plus it did have a 'smart replace' tool that's very noticeably absent in Lightroom.

And maybe I need to make sure I output finished images from Lightroom too, just to be safe, though recovery is easier on the Mac than it is with W8.

Monday, 7 April 2014

The ups & downs - a bit of grace, a bit of struggle

Saturday I had a tummy under pressure, that I couldn't trust to behave. Yesterday I was a bit tired & vague feeling. Then last night couldn't get to sleep, and when I did, ended up with dreams that made me call out & wake Chris. This morning I started with back ache & now have visual disturbances that make it hard to see properly. Hello Ibuprofen.

And yet.

Saturday evening I had a call from someone, needing someone to dep for them preaching next day, and by the grace of God I was able to pull a word together (Eph 2 v11-22 - part of a series) in a couple of hours. In a way it was nice to be just doing straight teaching on a passage, all very uncomplicated.

Much of the battling that I've been experiencing these last weeks seems to have lifted too, although it would like to come back.

So on we go. Another week, a fresh set of challenges.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Does God turn up after all then?

So I wrote this post on Thursday during the day, about disappointment as much as anything, knowing I was going to be leading the meeting Thursday night.

So I had material prepared & printed up ready to hand out, but really wanted us to have a time of worship first, just to get into God's presence (yes, I know that's iffy theology, but anyway).

And we did.

There was a gentle sense of God being there, maybe not so gentle for a couple of people, but a very gentle sense of His presence, of encouragement, of restoration, of re-setting the compass needles to point back to reality again. And we just kept worshipping, even though it was pre-recorded. And when I paused to start the study time people wanted more, so we just kept going.

And I'm really grateful.

It's not like a validation of my theology, my understanding, my ministry, but in there was an affirmation of who I am in Jesus and to just keep going at what I've been called to do. It's replaced teeth-gritting determination with thankfulness and a bit more peace, and I am so grateful for that.

Free ESV bible for Kindle anyone?

No idea how long this will remain up without charge, but if you have a kindle reader or the kindle app on your phone or computer then it's available for use off-line. Handy if you prefer a 'book' approach, rather than reading at

Free bible link here.

It's a morning of sensations and memories here.

Choosing a tee shirt to wear this morning, I came across the tee that I bought on our last trip to Canada in 2006: petrol blue, soft from being worn & washed so much and with a couple of tiny holes. It was bought because our luggage was lost and we needed clean clothes - Chris still has a bright orange top bought at the same time. We've good memories of friends & really looking forward to seeing them again this summer.

On the way shopping for food, I played a track from a recent Chris Tomlin album and it reminded me of Mark, who played guitar and lead worship for a while at the Chapel. It reminded me I missed him too, and also the way he'd flow so freely with his voice in worship.

In Tesco they had large Basil plants on offer for £1.50, so I grabbed one. It made the car, then the kitchen smell wonderful with it's sharp, spicy scent.

Picked up a guitar just now, and 'discovered' a new turnaround with a D chord that I've not used before. Wonder if I'll remember it long enough to use it for worship tomorrow in the church? I often use a Dsus2, and will very often substitute it for a straight D chord, softening the sound of the open E string with careful strumming. For this turnaround I alternated the Dsus2 by fretting the E string fret 2 as a normal D, but leaving an open G string to get a sound that makes me think of coming home through wheat fields under big skies. It sort of answers the question that the suspended chord is asking, and works strummed or picked. I may try to incorporate that into a sequence like the picked part of Joe Bonamassa's Mountain Time.

Friday, 4 April 2014

An observation about spammers

Since adjusting my settings to moderate all comments I've not seen a single spam comment. Someone is breeding clever 'robots' these days.

A quick roundup on IT stuff, via El Reg.

OK, 3 interesting things have dropped out over the last few days:

Intel sees the future in truly wireless computing. Lots of stuff in the article, but the interesting bit is at the end. We're taking about computers that don't EVER have wires attached: not for screens, keyboards & mice, internet or even charging/power supply. It reminds me of the maxim that any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic, et voila, up it pops.

We all know Windows XP is about to become orphaned by Microsoft (and if you've not upgraded yet then you should!). Not all countries are being lobbied/pressured to continue with Microsoft's products, and it seems the Tamil Nadu are going to run their civil service using Linux. Munich - a little closer to home - moved their city systems across to linux several years ago, so it's not just a weird 3rd world phenomenon.

And finally, I am about to abandon Firefox/Mozilla as browser & email system of choice.


Why, I hear you ask?

Some of the background is here in an article about Brendan Eich, their Chief Executive being forced to resign. I don't want to support or recommend a company that follows the militant gay agenda (in the same way I don't want to support a company that recommends drunkenness, encourages fornication or presents embezzlement as a valid way to make a living) and to me, their idea of equality and inclusiveness looks like nothing of the kind. Opinions are deeply divided on this, but their actions do not look good to me, so I'm looking for alternatives. Most likely browser of choice will become Opera, but I'm not sure about email client yet.

And a fourth one for a Friday afternoon: As we all suspected, organic food will not protect you from cancer. Big ol' study too, with >600,000 participants. Interesting note on pesticides too, though very much expected here. I'd go along with the suggestion at the end, that you'd be better off buying decent quality food & more fresh fruit & veg than spending extra money on organic foods.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Where does charismatic stop and evangelical start?

I'm not sure, these days, and it worries me.

See, I'm a charismatic - in that I experience God moving in my life through tangible things that He does and a part of that is gifts, like speaking in tongues, that He has given us - and yet I'm part of a church which has a moderately non-charismatic, and pretty much evangelical, culture.

There was a time when, with the understanding I have now of evangelicalism (I might have once thought it vaguely related to outreach, even though I knew that wasn't what it meant) I'd have run a mile from it, decided it was too busy following its own traditions and quickly gone somewhere else. The idea that I could compromise my values and expectations enough to actually be part of the leadership, let alone carry some of the responsibility for shaping its character would have horrified me. And as for making some of the promises and commitments  that becoming a church warden has required me to take.... beyond the pale!   ;-)

And yet this is where I find myself.

Earlier in the week I was looking for a recording of something I'd said in church last year, then ended up listening to the whole recording. If you really want to hear it for yourself then it's up on soundcloud as a tale of 2 halves.

It was meant to be an encouragement to the church, something to raise expectations of what God was going to do with us. Listening again it both encourages me now, and yet also makes me ask "why haven't we started moving into those things?".  And also "what has happened to me since then - why am I so discouraged?"

And this is where the cross-over into the evangelical side is happening.

At the end of the sermon we prayed for a number of people, trusting that God would be at work in them, and since that time one of them has expressed a sense of vocation and begun preaching. I don't know how/if the lives of any others were affected. But this isn't what I was expecting or looking for - God moving in the subtle, intangible, hard to pinpoint ways. The evangelical ways, The ways where, you know God is quietly working, lives are gradually shifting and changing, difficult situations survived, everyone mostly getting along, aging quietly.

In one sense it's great, fantastic, but in another, this isn't what I signed up for - incremental Christianity, where it's often hard to tell the difference between the Christians and the rest.

Do I want fireworks in church then?


Well, a bit.

I love that people's lives ARE changing, but I miss the sense of the reality of God breaking in. I can walk around the church building praying happily in both English and tongues, but come time for a church meeting, it's all quiet, respectable and evangelical. If we are so inoffensive in our meeting times, it makes me wonder how much the real Jesus is actually present and how much we're just following another tradition, but an evangelical one instead of CoE, where He gets to occasionally look in if He's lucky?

No stones thrown at anyone BTW - I'm just trying to think through things, and ask why they are as they are. If it offends you then consider this to be me showing my inadequacy.

How do you see Google+?

I'd given up social media for lent - SM being defined in my mind as places you could have a conversation that was interactive and rapid: Facebook, The Libertree Project and various forums in other words.

Then I realised that I had continued using G+. There's marginally more activity there than on my blog, but only just. I wonder how much money Google have pumped into what is effectively an electronic backstreet? I prefer that it's NOT like facebook - full of dumb stuff and motivational posters - but it is SO very quiet. Even when there are videos of tear gas and rioting. ;-)

When is a good image a great photo?

I've mentioned once or twice that I've been using Perfect Effects 8 from On One software (courtesy of a free download) in addition to Adobe Lightroom for image processing, although I've not really talked about workflow yet, and that's planned as another blogpost. The guys at On One are very keen on supporting and promoting their products, and offer an increasing variety of training videos and webinars with their own people and various well known photographers.

So in my inbox yesterday was an invitation to a webinar with Doug Landreth talking about the work he does in his company, Photomorphis. Embedded in the email was an image that demonstrated before and after: that is copyrighted, and therefore I don't feel able to reproduce here for you, although you can see the kind of effects on the Photomorphis site. The striking thing about this was that the 'before' image would have gone straight in the bin with a "what was I thinking". Grey, dull, bland and (to me) poorly composed.

Now it may have been shot like this on purpose, but the question it makes me ask is how many will see this kind of manipulation as a way of rescuing stuff that should otherwise get deleted: iffy composition, poor focussing, poor lighting etc etc. Does degrading an image, giving it a yellow cast and putting a fake distressed border round the outside really make it better, give it artistic value? Sure Instagrammies have been doing this for several years now, but was it really good, even when it was new?

There's an aspect to Doug's work that I DO like, but, as with so much digital manipulation, it's hard to see where enhancement stops and rescue of rubbish starts.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Opinions are like bottoms

Everyone has an idea about what will build a big, strong church. For some, it's hearing the word of God faithfully and accurately preached, for others it's building a sense of family and community, still others seeing God break into reality through miracles and signs, and for some - shallowest of all - it's having a great worship band and fantastic music.

There are a lot of voices, each declaiming 'what you must do to be a success' or '5 ways to avoid failure' - I've just read a few short articles on The Verge about leading worship bands and being missional and they all had good stuff in them. But it also makes me ask why, when we DO do some of these things well it doesn't seem to build people up or draw them closer to God, while other churches seem to thrive without any of the struggles. Makes me also ask where the reality of God is in there, and whether they are actually affecting the lives of the people who are part of them, or whether they go because it's a comfy, happy place to go & feel good without being challenged?

As for me, I'm just trying to hear God for this place.

Why does some music get old so fast?

2013 was the year of Rend Collective Experiment.

I'd known about them for a while before that through one of our children's school friends, who had sung with them occasionally. They had a fresh take in the worship music scene, getting away from the big worship-leading super heroes and megabux commercial worship bands, and were down to earth guys who really had a heart to worship God. The Big Church Day Out reinforced that, and they did a campfire worship time one night that was so very natural, in total contrast to the other acts we watched on a big stage.

I'd tried previously to introduce their stuff in the church, but (since we were using pre-recorded worship tracks to sing with) their music was so produced, so jarring in that form that it was pretty-much unusable.

I've re-listened to Homemade Worship For Handmade People again recently, and Monday night brought some of their songs to the worship team. They just don't work - for us.

And that's the clue really.

A lot of songs can be re-shaped to work for a particular team & congregation, or the CD arrangements are so bland/MOR pop-ish that they can be used verbatim, without change. I love the heart of worship in RCE, but their songs are THEIRS in a spiky, awkward and uncomfortable way for us. They could probably come to our church, lead worship in their style with their material & it would be great. As for us: no can do.

I'm thinking about trying to re-arrange one or two, but I'm not sure it's possible because their signature runs right through the middle, and it might destroy the song itself - and that's no good at all. Some songs have a song-within-a-song trying to escape. It was only when trying to teach the rhythm part of Brenton Brown's Your Love Is Amazing to someone new on Monday that I realised I'd spontaneously re-arranged that song (years ago) to bring out the song inside. Not at all sure that could be done with any from RCE though.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Looks like an opportunity?


Looks like I may have an opportunity to up-sticks and relocate along with another company, with whom I've long had a relationship. The question now is whether such a move would be beneficial or unhelpful. It would also take the business completely out of the local area, and I'm not sure whether that's good or not, but my early aims of providing employment for local people haven't come off, so it won't affect that side of things.

Is it coming closer to the time to move on in a more general sense, or is this a large black hole, opening up before me, that needs dodging around?

If you cared about security of your personal data

Then you would never have uploaded it to 'the cloud' in the first place.

Article here from El reg that suggests IT firms have woken up the the idea that cloud data hosting, particularly in the US, is inherently insecure and practically an invitation to government(s) to go trawling through your files. I don't have anything that I'd especially want to keep secret on my computers, but just like you wouldn't want a surveillance camera in a sports changing area, so I'd prefer not to have people be given open access to my files: it wouldn't hurt me, but it would be a gross invasion of privacy.

If you feel differently - and there seem to be plenty of people happy to appear starkers on webcams - then that's up to you, but I'd prefer to have my privacy respected.

One of the things we need to talk about in church some time.

Is tithing.

Now some hate the idea, seeing it as some kind of socialist law that demands you give up some of your hard-earned wedge without freedom or joy. Others are less self-absorbed and greedy, realising it's just a way of recognising God's grace and provision to them by returning a portion of what they have been able to earn.

There's a post on backyard missionary that I found amusing, about how to reduce your tithable income.

I think that some time we need some teaching on this in the Chapel.

Ain't necessarily so.

Is a line from a song designed to undermine Christian faith and righteousness, to sow doubt and cynicism.

But there's a little truth in there too.

I've been turning over a number of thoughts recently after a friend visited The West Bank and Bethlehem, and came back with doubts about the possibility of peace.

There's a natural tendency to read the old testament & bin the bits we don't like as being pre-Jesus, therefore no longer applying, but that's not satisfactory as a way of understanding or interpreting history as it was recorded. So I've recently been re-reading the histories of the kings of Israel in both the bible and Josephus in parallel, and there's a tendency in Josephus (and Chronicles) to exalt the acts of David & Solomon as unimpeachable and desirable. That would include the annexation of certain parts of Canaan and the final enslavement of the people there.

Now, if you were a Jew, believing that David and Solomon were the perfect examples of those ruling in God's name, you might see this behaviour as desirable and righteous. It then becomes a small step for you to see that your re-acquisition of that same land in the 21st century as continuing their work.

But what if they were merely recorded facts of history, rather than God's best plan for his people to carry through? What is God's heart for those enslaved and what is His desire for them, rather than what are the recorded facts about what has actually been done by various people to them? Food for thought?

For me, Jesus comment about divorce is really telling: Moses gave the Jews divorce laws because their hearts were hard. It wasn't that divorce was good or acceptable under certain circumstances, but that hard hearts created marriage breakdown, and that under some circumstances it was likely better that two broken people didn't remain married compared to the worse alternatives.

There's a big danger that we re-interpret all sorts of things through our wet, liberal, socialist, capitalist, libertarian 21st century eyes and miss God's heart in what happened, lose sight of the fact that He works with sinful, broken people from where they are. But if we try to see God's character behind and through it all, then we can start to see with less obscurity the things He wanted compared to the way things were actually done. Just like now, really.

Monday, 31 March 2014

Reviews can be a wonderful source of amusement and humour.

When you buy a Mac there's a bunch of software thrown in that includes various tools that one would normally download free for a Windows installation. This collection of software, known as iLife, includes photo processing, movie editing, music creation and web design software. Some of it is genuinely good & useful: iMovie is a very useful basic movie editor that's easy to use, Garage band works well for some people, though I've found it unintuitive and clunky. And some is just pretty badly thought through and cut down so that it doesn't offer essential, basic tools that might possibly take sales away from the flagship product. iWeb was one and iPhoto is another (a photo editor without a resize function, really??!).

Last year Apple decided to make their iLife apps free, except when they don't, and I was interested to see that although the latest version of iPhoto is listed under free apps, it actually carries a price of £10.49. Even though I have iPhoto installed. Eh?

While I was on the product page I glanced down at the reviews for the latest version and saw the gem I have (probably illegally) quoted here below:

It’s hard to find the words to adequately capture just how appalling this software is. I came excitedly to Macs from Windows believing that this is exactly the sort of thing OS X does best. Yet the scale of the ineptitude on display in the usability of this software is beyond my comprehension. I don’t have the time or energy or inclination to be specific. I would almost encourage you to download and use it just as a life experience, like being locked in a broken elevator: something you can discuss wide-eyed at dinner parties or with which to shock your children. Rest assured that on each occasion you need to import photos from your iPad, edit the content of events, print out a photo, find a picture on your drive, or almost anything else, you will be exposed to some fresh hell even after you thought there were surely no more obscenities to be found. Using this software is like discovering your car has been stolen, over and over again.

 I am grateful that I don't have to pay £10.49 and experience the sensations of car-theft on a repeated basis in order to attempt to edit my images. ;-)

To round out the afternoons blogging - platonic relationships?

An ex-draft post. The mens group to which this refers bit the dust last autumn, which was a relief in the end.

Last Saturday at men's group we all did the masculine thing of agreeing that platonic relationships were not possible between men and women.


Stooo... piddd.

I nodded along too.

How many healthy men have fancied their mother in law?

But in all seriousness, the more I consider it, the more I think it's about us, our wants, satisfactions, expectations and desires. We can pretty much all get along without the least issue of unwanted desire for our MiLs (and probably a whole bunch of aunts etc too) and why is that?

QED, platonic relationships are perfectly possible.

But on the other hand, present someone delightful with the right chemistry and a desire for friendship and we suddenly find we have to be very careful where we tread. So then relationship becomes much more difficult to keep at a purely platonic level, and may require someone to run away sharpish before it gets out of hand.

There's aspects of this that I'm still thinking through, as to how we can offer encouragement, friendship and Christian love to those of the opposite sex that are attractive to us through no fault of their own. Running away has been effective in stopping things getting out of hand, but it's not necessarily that helpful to the person run away from.

This is pertinent to me still because science is full of women - probably more so than most industries - and if I'm going to share anything of the love of Jesus then there will be times of relative closeness & friendship. How does one do that without getting involved to a depth where things stop being 'just' friendship friendship? Being older helps, but is by no means any real answer, and running away will keep me 'safe' but probably doesn't look great or help whomever one is friends with. One of life's tensions.

Apparently I have 81 posts 'in draft'.

I know there have been times that I've written something, only to think better of it and saved without making it public. Wonder whether it would be worth re-visiting those, especially now that the fire from which some where born has likely damped down or gone out long ago.

Or maybe best to just let them quietly go?

Have you ever noticed the resilience of chicken?

I'm not talking about flesh so tough it can withstand a herd of trampling buffaloes, but rather how, no matter what you marinate or cook the chicken with, it always seems to come out tasting like chicken.

So yesterday was mothers day (for my non-UK friends) and of course we had my mum over for dinner. Grabbed a couple of chicken crowns from tesco, pre-marinaded in 1) lemon and sea salt 2) harissa spicing. I used crowns because I'm tired at the moment, and simply didn't want the hassle of spending 30min dismantling a bird, hunting for little scraps at the end of a longish day, plus the 2 different flavourings seemed a bit more interesting. I roasted them along with ordinary par-boiled potatoes, new potatoes with oregano & balsamic vinegar* and carrots with tarragon & honey.

It all tasted pretty good in the end, and if I'd been served that in a restaurant then I'd certainly not have complained, but the chicken tasted just like roast chicken. Maybe the flavourings in the veg and gravy I served it with overcame any subtlety in the meat? Good job roast chicken tastes nice. :-)

*For years I've been using the word spelled vineagar, and when I noticed the red squiggly line underneath, instead of thinking 'dumb American spelling' went off & checked up. Seems I'm not alone in using this version, but the British English dictionaries spell it without the 'a' so it's time to get edumacated.  :p

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Saying goodbye to some old friends.

Those who have followed this blog may remember the image top left used to be a picture of my feet wearing a bright yellow pair of vans trainers in the snow. Well, those trainers have finally 'had it' after about 9 or 10 years of service, traipsed round various cities of Europe as well as being favourite 'stage wear'.

I'd despaired a little of finding a replacement, but yesterday I found a pair of bright red & black adidas trainers that fit well and appear the perfect replacement. So that's OK then - we all need a gentle way of expressing our slightly outrageous sides. ;-)

Friday, 28 March 2014

Compromise can be difficult.

Tomorrow there's a photographic exhibition & competition in Somerton village hall. Funding has been made available for images to decorate the village hall, and being democratic - sort of - it was decided to let those who use the hall chose the images, hence the competition.

Excellent idea.

Now, here's the tricky bit: images must be no more than A4 size (I've printed 12X8 on the basis that it's a smaller surface area than an A4 sheet - a little longer and narrower) with a limit of 5 images per person, and this last makes it REALLY hard. In addition, because of the nature of the subject - views of Somerton - the need to reflect the sensibilities of the village is frustrating my desire to use the best images I have in order to avoid repetition of a subject.

To explain a little more, the most striking feature of the village is it's church, and given decent light and a helping of photoshop it can look really picturesque. I managed what I consider a really good image with some early morning light, and all would be well & good if I'd not gone back a few days later when the valley was full of mist for a second go. On arriving at the gates to the churchyard I was greeted by a bunch of chickens wandering back down the path, just as if they'd been to church. Chickens have been a bit of a 'thing' here, and so it's a great image that reflects some aspects of the village really well, and the church looks 'interesting' in the mist.

But it's not my *best* shot.

I'm probably going to have to leave out a second favourite too: that waterfall shot processed up as black & white and split-toned blue/brown highlights & shadows looks fantastic, but I doubt any who don't live at this end of the place will recognise it because it's tucked away behind trees and a fence, despite being within 5 yards of the main road. We'll see, because I've done some layouts, and it's important to get them to work as a group as well as individual images.

And all this is making me realise that I REALLY need to build an online gallery. It would be good to be able to sell more prints, maybe even develop it as a business for when the lab side is slack, and I'm sure there are plenty of local people who would like some of these pictures for their homes.

Gave in and used the better shot of the church, but did leave out the shot of the waterfall and the one of the chickens walking down the path.

Hobbycrafts sell a heavy 2.5mm thick card in 32" X 22" (there I go, mangling measurement units!) for about £2.75 a sheet, so bought a couple of those to mount the images on. I ended up spending yesterday evening sizing, cutting & mounting - I'd completely forgotten how much effort was involved if all you have is a knife & a ruler! The 4 colour images all went on a single sheet with a white border around them, while the arch went on a single piece alone with a dark red border.

Did a quick comparison between the printed images and my home screen as well - I REALLY need to calibrate this monitor if I'm going to use it for image processing! I wonder if these will look dark on your screen?

*2nd edit*
Well, I came second for the first picture below showing Somerton from North Aston Lodge. The winning image was a very 'classic' sunset over the flood water we've had recently, nice & timeless. Third place was taken with a view over the canal below the village, and was very nicely composed in blues and greens. A few images were also commended including the dovecote image below.

The images:

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Quiet as the grave.

So today I'm off to London, to the funeral of a friend of the family.

We've not been in touch for a long time - long as in probably 30 years. Mick was a friend of my father's (my mother recalls him being his closest friend) and my parents certainly spent quite a bit of time with Mick & Joan, his wife. I remember him as a soft, slightly fuzzy guy, longish hair (unusual for a man in his mid-40s then) bushy sideburns, a quick rollup and gentle manner. He liked his sea fishing a little, though as I recall, seldom had a chance to actually go, having never learned to drive & running around everywhere on his moped.

I sometimes wonder if Mick was the gentle, grounded end of his partnership. My earliest memory of his wife was looking all exciting in an early-70s style, hair in a pony tail, neat figure and big glasses, standing beside her Morris Minor - in retrospect quite fetching. She was quite prophetic later on, and as an older teen, I recall her having much more Christian input, while Mick would gently stay on the sidelines - even staying in a tent by himself on one church weekend so that he could smoke away from the main party.

So I'm off to say goodbye to Mick, maybe represent the Oxfordshire end of the family, possibly meet up with some other friends that were once part of the same group of teens, subtly influenced by this quiet man.

Not surprisingly it seems there was a lot more to Mick than I'd known, and he'd influenced a lot of people (and been close friends to a lot of people) over those years.

So is this what funerals become when you reach a certain age - an opportunity to catch up with old friends and re-establish otherwise near-silent relationships? Amazing how some have barely changed in appearance and mannerisms, while others much more so (not surprising in view of the >20 year gap). It was mildly amusing to recognise some people who completely failed to recognise me, and also intriguing to be approached by someone who turned out to be the younger brother of one of my best friends from Junior school. How he could have ever recognised me I have absolutely no idea - the oldest I could ever have been was 16 and he would have been 10. However you did it, well done Giles!

The area has changed significantly from when we were even last there just a few years back, and I struggled to recognise landmarks, approaching Thornton Heath and South Norwood from the Croydon side. I wonder if Steve Chalke would recognise the house where he used to live, in Whitehorse road? At least I could remember enough of the area to find my way without sat nav. But the state of the area makes me wonder if we're developing 2 Britains, where the educated and well-employed whites have moved out of the cities and the areas they once occupied have been taken over by those who have made themselves an ethnic majority, locally. With this change has also come a change and/or loss of, for want of a better expression, moral compass, primarily due to a loss of local 'eldership' and respect from within the indigenous population. This looks like trouble further down the road.

Tired now - just went back to work, setting up some assays for tomorrow. Last night we did circuit training, and that combined with a >3 hour crawl home has not made Toni a comfy boy. Incubation over - back to the lab.

Saturday, 22 March 2014

It feels like I've had a bit of a hole in my heart today.

A couple of months back a young friend's husband decided he didn't really want to be with her any more, and for reasons best known to himself, chose to move away. She's pushed through a time that might have left most women a sobbing wreck, finding strength in Jesus and looking after her daughter, plus holding down a job.

Sadly now, she can't stay here any more, finances being what they are, and so a few of us helped her move out, loaded up a van her parents brought up, hugged and said goodbye.

Bums. Who needs more words.

Friday, 21 March 2014

Carbon offsets.

"What's wrong with carbon offsets?"

"Analogy-wise, paying someone in South America to grow trees so that I can burn trees is a bit like me paying someone in Uganda 10 quid to be good to someone else so that the PFY can punch you and the Boss here in the face."

Thank you BOFH.

Everything inside says go! Why should I stay?

I wonder what response that title produces in you? Does it strike a chord, sound familiar, reasonable?

What if I told you I was leaving Heyford Park Chapel because I couldn't take any more and was upset and disappointed about the changes in leadership above me and the things they wanted to do? Would you be surprised: and would some of you would probably be quite pleased, if you were honest with yourselves? And would you then expect me to wander off, losing direction, gradually drifting away from the church and then my relationship with God, as so many seem to have done? It's certainly happened to apparently better, stronger Christians than me, as well as weak, un-discipled and immature ones.

It's a scenario that has been playing out in my mind quite a bit over the last few weeks.

There has been an almost unbearable desire to step down, to walk away completely from the Chapel and church in general, to 'be free' to do what I want to do, please myself, to decide that holy-living was really repression of good and natural desires. Buried in there was a desire to "let people see that things would fall apart if I weren't there" and to let them struggle to fill in the gaps we would leave. This is real - I'm not making it up for effect - and the pressure from feelings, worries and frustrations has almost consumed me a lot of the time. There have been little gaps - like a day spent fasting and an hour or so praying over 'lunch' where it felt like I'd heard God, before a return to almost un-relenting pressure. There was a warning about where this was going too, through someone quite unwittingly making a comment about the fate of another ex-leader, and I could hear God's voice quite clearly behind that one.

Lets just say I've had a lot more fun at other times than this.

What am I going to do?

It's a good question, and much more difficult to answer with honesty than I would like. Writing this helps, because it creates a public line in the sand, and it's also helpful in the way that trying to write forces one to put order on the chaos of emotional thought. It also makes one step back and ask whether this is God's voice causing the confusion, feelings of hurt, upset and frustration..... and if it isn't then who else have I been listening to? You can work that one through for yourselves.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

My computer is making happy sounds again.

There's a 'donk!' noise that sounds like software hitting a barrier, signifying entourage had failed to connect to a mail server account, that I had started to dread ever since the Mavericks upgrade fiasco. Since last night, after returning to Mountain Lion I've not heard a single notification like that.

Good times. :-)